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Spinal Stim Out

I’ve had the spinal stim out for three full days now.  I truly want this to work.  Pulling it out was not painful at all. I was worried that it would be, but it was not thankfully.  I asked the doctor about all of the anxiety and shaking as I believed it to be from a steroid injection for inflammation and he informed me that I had not received any steroids.  I received three antibiotics that target meningitis and he believes that is what caused my anxiety and feeling so poorly.  I know the nausea and flu-like symptoms were from the antibiotics. It’s really hard to differentiate the good from the bad with all of that going on.  He said it could be left in for a few more days, but I was soooo ready for it to be out.  I understand now why it works.  Much like sitting in a massage chair helps to relieve pain, it gives continuous stimulation to a specific area and you don’t focus on the pain so much.  I am struggling with the stimulation that I received and how it felt.  I’m just not sure at this point.  I want to do anything that will help relieve the pain, but do I want to go through such a huge commitment with this stimulator installation only to find that I truly cannot tolerate the stimulation.  I don’t know how much of the negative feelings were from medication or was it a by-product of the stimulation.  It’s difficult to distinguish and separate all of what was going on.  I did not feel well during the trial and I am using more pain medication right now because of the residual effects.

The truth is, I want to do anything I can to get myself back into the world and relieve as much of the pain as possible.  My family has to endure this right along with me and I would like to help alleviate as much of their burden as is possible too.  I know it takes a lot from them as well not to mention how irritable one becomes when in pain.  The depression that comes from enduring continuous pain is its own issue all together! It’s such a complex problem and I don’t feel like the medical community truly understands.  I have now seen it from both sides of the hospital bed and I can honestly say that I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about when I told patients I was so sorry they were hurting or that their lives had been devastated.  I felt terrible for them at the time and that was genuine, but I know now that I didn’t have a clue what it truly means to have your life devastation from something like this.

I asked the sales rep about defibrillation and he did not know.  I will have to keep asking and studying to know more about what decision to make.  I am tempted to just go forward in the belief that all of the people who proclaim it to be such a miracle are right and I will know that feeling too or maybe this just isn’t the answer for me.  I just can’t tell at this point.  I still need time to know.  I am very thankful that my family understands my need for time.



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